He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
