her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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