I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I just found puke in my bra..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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