I just made out with a guy for $7.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
