Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
