So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
