I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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