I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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