I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
