Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
