He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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