Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
