I wish I only lived at night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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