just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
where am i from again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
