What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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