My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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