Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
