i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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