if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
