imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
