we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
