a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
