i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
