i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
