I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
