i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sorry about my life...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
