3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
