Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
