I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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