Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
