Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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