new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
