Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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