he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's blow job season.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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