There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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