hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
