3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
