Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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