so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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