the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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