Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
