I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
