You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
