why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
