I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
