is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
