I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
they're like a gay fantastic four
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
