i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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