White coat. Heels.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
