At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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