i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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