can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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