I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
