Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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