If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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