You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
